The Facebook Facade

Hello Ladies!

 

I've been trying to think of a way to segue into this post, but I'm not feeling that creative today. I'm just doing to say it... Being a girl is hard! If you have been a girl for longer than two seconds, you know that this is true. We are expected be nice, graceful, thin, keep a clean house, cook healthy meals every night, not let our hormones effect us, and have perfect hair on top of all that. And you know what? It is exhausting, not to mention unrealistic. And we all know how SUPER helpful society is (sarcasm) when it comes to our self esteem. I can't even go to the grocery store without seeing magazines with beautiful women plastered on the cover and thinking, "Am I supposed to look like that? Because if I am, I ain't even close." I judge myself against airbrushed versions of people who already work out four times a week and can afford to eat all organic, and yet I am surprised when I don't measure up! What kind of crap sense does that make?

 

As bad as comparing ourselves to celebrities can make us feel, I almost feel like this false reality we've created known as "Facebook" is almost worse. Think about it, 99% of pictures that people post of themselves are flattering pictures. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to post a picture of a new hair color or something I probably take 15+ pictures before I decide that one is good enough to post on the internet.  Do we post pictures of ourselves on a bad hair day? Heck no! Do we put up pictures of ourselves up with no makeup when our skin breaks out? Huh uh. Facebook allows us to only show what we want other people to see. Of course that girl whose page your stalking (don't lie, I know you do it too) looks gorgeous in every picture, she's not going to put up a cruddy one. And if someone else puts up a cruddy one of her, she's just going to untag herself anyway. Do not believe the Facebook Facade where everyone's life looks so much more perfect than yours, because they were probably just looking at your pictures and wishing they could look like you.

 

Listen honey: We are not Barbie dolls! We do not have to be pleasing to the eye every second of every day. I am not saying that you should look like a slob and stop bathing, I'm just saying that you need to cut yourself some slack. Going to the grocery store without eyeliner will not kill you, trust me. I am living proof :)

 

 

Remember, you are a masterpiece!

 

-Tara

 

(P.S. Thought you girls might enjoy this!)

 

 

Bangs are Good for the Soul

Ahoy there!
I know, I know, I'm super lazy and haven't posted in here in forever. Please forgive me. I'm forgiven? Sweet, moving on.

I thought that I should let you know that just because I have stopped posting on here doesn't mean that I am not still on my journey to self acceptance- it is a daily battle that God is helping me with. Recently, I have contemplated putting the verse, "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7b) on my bathroom mirror so I remember to check myself while getting ready (anyone with an idea on how to accomplish this is a cute way, hit me up!)

I wanted to talk about something in my life that is kind of a small thing, yet a big thing for me at the same time. As most of you know, I have recently cut my bangs pretty short. They are called "pixie bangs" and I have always thought they were cute on other girls, but not something I ever thought I could pull off. Before, I had always had long bangs in attempt to hide my flaws. Acne was one of the main reasons, but also because I thought it would hide my large forehead and distract from my nose (which I am still trying to make peace with). I'm not sure what made me do it, but one morning I woke up and told Daniel that I was cutting my bangs off. And sweet Dannyboy, being quite used to me being a crazy person, simply said, "Ok. Sounds cute."

So with Daniel's approval, I made an appointment to have my bangs hacked off. I was empowered, or so I thought. When the day of the appointment came, I almost chickened out. I coulndn't do it. What if I got a breakout? How would I hide my skin on a bad day? What if nobody likes it? Then it hit me: who cares? So someone sees a zit on my face. So what? Does it change the fact that I am loved by the Creator of the universe? No, it does not. What if somebody says they don't like it? Big whoop, they'll get over it. I was not put on this earth to please people with my hair. So then and there, I made a promise to myself: I was going to be happy with myself whether people liked my hair or not. Even if I hated it, I was going to be ok. Nothing anybody said about it was going to change how I veiwed myself. Later that day, I sat that stylist's chair and watched my security blanket literally get cut away. I had nothing to hide behind, and it felt pretty stinkin good.

Turns out, I love my hair now and I wish I had done this a long time ago. Daniel likes it too, which is a good thing for him, because I don't plan on growing them out anytime soon. But as I suspected, not all of the feedback on my hair has been positive. I've had people ask me if it was an accident, or if I was going to grow them out as soon as possible. I've even had one person tell me to my face that they didnt like it, but you know what? It really doesn't bother me. Now, if someone told sixteen-year-old-me that they straight up thought my hair looked bad, I would have acted like it didn't bother me, then ran into my room sobbing like a three year old. But now, I can honestly say that I don't feel that way anymore. If you don't like the way I look, then feel free to look the other direction. God has given me a freedom that I've never had before, all through a silly haircut!

Thanks for reading, now go do something that scares you! You never know, it just might be awesome!
                            Much love,
                                             Tara

Day 35: Autocorrected.

Hello there readers.
I've been getting really lazy about posting, but I feel like I say the same thing in every post. I've been praying that God would show me something that I could write about, and He did. Though not exactly in the way I was expecting...

Every few days on facebook, somebody posts a picture of a text message where they tried to type one thing, but autocorrect changed it to something that made no sense. Well today that happened to me, except in my case it made perfect sense. I don't actually have autocorrect, because that would entail that I have a phone that isn't a piece of junk (I have a gophone that I purchased at WalMart. Fancy, I know). However, my phone has a setting called T9 where you press each letter once to make a word, then choose from all of the possible words you may have typed. I had just gotten home from a ten hour day at work, I was being a brat and feeling sorry for myself when I got a text from my husband. He asked me how I was doing. With other people I would lie and say I was fine, but with him he's gonna figure it out whether I tell him the truth or not. So I typed "I'm bummed." Except it didn't say "bummed". My phone had changed it to "atoned".

I'm atoned. I had never actually said those words before, but what a beautiful thought. The definition of atonement is "satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends". How many times have I wronged my Savior? More times than I could ever recall, yet I am atoned. He has made amends through Jesus Christ so I don't have to suffer what I deserve. How great is my God that He can use a fifteen dollar phone to change my attitude in three seconds? I am in awe.

I would like to thank everyone who told me that they have been praying for me, you have no idea how much it means. May many treasures be stored up for you in heaven!

Day 28: Unsure

Hey guys.
I honestly feel a little bit weird posting right now, because I've felt really insecure the past couple of days. But I guess if I'm going to post in the good times, I have to post in the bad ones too. During this process, I'm realizing just how often I second guess myself. Usually I focus on second guessing the way I look, but lately I've realized that I am not confident about anything that I do. Whenever I meet someone, I automatically assume that they don't like me. After a conversation, I always think later that I said too much and got on the other persons nerves or that they think I am stupid. Why do I do this? Why do I want to be liked so bad? I honestly don't know. It bothers me that I let other peoples opinions effect me so much.

Wow, this post is sounding so depressing. I'm not trying to be all woe-is-me, I just feel the need to be transparent. This whole journey is bringing back a lot of memories that I have been trying to suppress, things that I want to pretend never even happened. But if I do that, then what good are they? God had me go through those things for a reason, and it's my job to find out why. Please pray for me, I don't want to be discouraged.

Sorry if this post sucks :) Haha, there I go again!

Day 21: Freedom

Hey guys :) I haven't posted in a while, I've been super busy the last couple of weeks. You should see my laundry, it is sky-high! Thank you to everyone who has been asking why I haven't posted lately, you are holding me accountable just like I asked you. Huh, someone cares what I have to say. Go figure!

After three weeks or so of saying nothing negative about myself (or anyone else), it's becoming much easier to be positive. I am noticing that I feel so much freedom in the fact that what God thinks of me is far more important than what anyone else on this planet thinks of me. As I was pondering this, it made me realize that everyone in the world strives for the same thing: freedom. To be free from  pressure, addiction, abuse, you name it. We all want to be free from something that enslaves us. That is what I am receiving in this process, and it is so beautiful to me. I can't wait to see what is going to happen next!

I've said many times during this journey that we are God's masterpiece. He created us with His own fingers to make us His treasure, and He still keeps our names graven in His hands. I've been trying to think of an earthly view of a masterpiece, and what keeps coming to mind is a painting that we have all seen many times by Leonardo Di Vinci: Mona Lisa. This painting is so special because it took Da Vinci fours years to paint it and he died with the painting unfinished, yet it still has been called the most famous painting in the world.  If ever we were to meet him, the last thing we would do is critique his work and tell him everything we find wrong with his paintings. That would be unthinkable, yet we do it go our Saviour almost everyday. When I think about how often I look at myself and wish to change, it makes me sick. God fastened me in His own hands, and He still continues to work on me and change me. And how much greater is my God than Da Vinci? Words cannot begin to describe.

I used to think that I thought very little of myself, and that I was even humble about the way I look. But now I'm realizing how very wrong I was. To say that I know better than the One who created everything is one of the most prideful things I can't think of. To to say that my nose should be smaller is to say that God didn't shape my face right. I'm sure the One who paints each sunrise knows what he's doing with a nose.

My nose will never be smaller, my hair will never be thicker, and I will never be a stick (which makes Daniel very happy, thank you very much!). We don't need to be someones idea of perfect, because God already made us that way. So the next time someone critiques they way you look, tell them to take it up with God!
Thank you all for your kindness and support.
-Tara

Day Six: Control

God is so good to me, and I do not deserve it. These past few days I have been shocked at how many times I held my tongue and truly thought about the venom that was about to spew from my mouth. What have I to gain by tearing myself or others down? Nothing.

Big nose. Thin hair. Bad skin. Chubby legs.
Just a few of the hurtful things that people in my life have said to me over the years, and I'm sure that all of you could add a million of your own. Some of you know this and some of you may not, but when I was younger I used to cut myself. It is not something I am proud of, but I believe that God has called me to be transparent about it. I've been thinking a lot on what caused me to do it, and I've come to this conclusion: I wanted control. I was tired of other people making me feel things that I didn't want to feel. Being called names, hearing rumors about myself, even just a dirty look shot my way could make me was to crawl into a hole and hide. I didn't want to feel threatened or hurt or sad. I didn't want these people that hated me, for whatever reason, to win. Cutting made me feel like I had control of my emotions. I realize now that I didn't have control over myself, sin did. And for just a little while, I felt strong. But never in my life had I been so weak. By the grace of God I am free from those chains, but sometimes I still feel like that angry girl who just wanted control of her life.

Through this process I am starting to see how much what other people say effects me. But God didn't call me to be what some random person (who is probably even more insecure than me) wants me to be. He has called me to be His child. I want to be what my Father has made me to be. I will be His masterpiece. I may have been born with an insecurity problem, but by God's grace I will not die with it.
"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them because the One that is is you is greater than who is in the world." John 4:4
-Tara
(P.S. Please continue to pray for me. It is very easy for me to get discouraged when I feel like I have failed. I do not what to give up on this. Thank you!)

Day Three: The Eye of the Beholder

Hello Beauties!
First off, I would like to thank Hannah Hobbs for giving my blog a wonderful makeover. Don't ask me how she did it, because I have no idea. Second, I want to thank all of you for the love and support you have all shown me. I was a little bit nervous as to how all of this would be perceived, but I have had nothing but positive feedback so far and it has been a huge blessing. I cannot express how thankful I am for your prayers and words of encouragement.

If you read my last post, you will know that I am on a journey to change the negative way I view myself and see myself as God sees me: a masterpiece. To start my endeavor off, I began with the simple (yeah right!) task of not saying any negative comments about myself for three days. I thought that this would be a small step, but after only the first day I realized how truly difficult it was. I did not realize just how often I cut myself down until I made a conscious decision not to.

There is a verse that I have really liked for a long time, but I feel that up until now I didn't really get what it was saying. It is Ephesians 2:10 and it says, "For we are God's masterpiece, He has created us anew in Jesus Christ so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago." I always focused on the "masterpiece" part because hey, how cool is that? I didn't take into consideration that the first part is meaningless without the second part. It's great to be a "masterpiece", who doesn't want to be thought of as a work of art? But that's not why we were created. We weren't created to be marveled at and praised, we were created to do the "good things He planned for us long ago."  I stopped at masterpiece because that was the easy place to stop. But God didn't call us to do what was easy, he called us to do His perfect will. I cannot boast about being a masterpiece unless I am doing what I was created for.

For my next task, I will not only not say anything negative about my appearance, I will also not say anything negative about anyone else's appearance for three days. Why do we cut other people, who Jesus called us to love, down? It is all rooted in insecurity. Humans are sinful creatures, and it makes us feel good to think that we are better than someone else. On the outside, perhaps. On the inside, it makes us disgusting. This will not be an easy curse to break, but by God's grace I will try!
-Tara